Cries

I was going through my phone when I accidentally played a song, one which I haven't played for quite a long time. Listening to the song made my heart cry. It made me felt guilty, really guilty for all the wrongs that I have done throughout my life. I was being unfair, I rarely give yet I get so many.

"I was so far from you,
yet to me You were always so close"

I always complain and rarely am I grateful of everything that I have. These 18 years I've been blessed with many things, yet I was never satisfied. Given a nice family, friends whom I can always count on but still I swore even by the slightest of things. Stupid of me to have even the slightest of dissatisfaction against what I've been through in my life.

"I wanna thank you for all the things that you've done,
You've done for me through all my years I've been lost"

How silly of me to have questioned things that has happened. How much have You given to me and to all whom I love yet how many times have I been truly grateful to You? You saved me from my loneliness earlier last year. You gave me hope, You blessed me with great family and friends, You helped whenever I'm lost in making decisions and many more. O Allah, forgive me

"Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah,
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah"

~Maher Zain - Thank You Allah

Decisions

Assalamualaikum,



"Guys, list dah keluar!!", which literally means 'The list have been released' in Malay.



I was chatting with my friends when the news came by. Utterly shocked*and excited*, I immediately checked my inbox for any emails. There it was, the list that I've been waiting for such a long time,  the list of Universities I am offered to.

It arrived*or actually I read it* at exactly 11.58 at night last Tuesday. I was given 4 great choices but the problem is, I have to decide before 10 in the morning that Friday. We were shocked, and everyone got into 'discussion' mode. You're given about 2 days to decide the next 4 years of your life.

What could possibly go wrong? ~EVERYTHING!!

Luckily though, we have the Internet, and by Wednesday night I have contacted seniors from almost each institution. After much questioning and answering, I made up my mind*which I later changed*. Each of us were given different options. Some got 2 choices, while others got 3-5.

1. Michigan State University
2. Ohio State University
3. University of Illinois-Chicago
4. University of Iowa

Above were mine, so here goes the research...

During my school days, I once had a dream of living in Chicago*and still am dreaming of it. So the third choice would definitely fulfill that nonsensical dream of mine. I still have that dream of living the leisure life in Chicago though. Then, my 4th choice offers me a 8000 USD scholarship throughout my 4 years over there which means about 2,000 per year. That's a lot of money*really attracting.

But after research by research, I'm left with 2 choices. Its either Michigan or Ohio. By Wednesday evening, my mind was leaning towards Michigan. I was sure I've got that right. I was sure there would be no changing my decision. Then came the sudden wave and I'm looking forward to Ohio.

Somehow after doing further research, I'm convinced that OhioSU would be the best choice for me*Also did Istikharah*. Apart from the number of Malaysians there, the University's website really convinced me to attend OSU. InsyaaAllah, its the best for me. So, Ohio it is then..

~Bismillah 

I love football, I used to play football and I also love reading..


Yea, we exist

"Like a small boat, on the ocean

Sending big waves, into motion

Like how a single word, can make a heart open

I might only have one match, but I can make an explosion"

~Go for it

Journey

Assalamualaikum,

We started off by playing in our rooms and since the Form 1's has less things to do, there were lots of time that we spent with it. There wasn't a single day that we would miss. Little that we knew, our activity attracted interest from several seniors.

One evening, a Form 3 senior came to my room*while we were playing* and challenged us to several rounds of chess. All Form 1 who were there were defeated cleanly and skillfully. Somehow, the senior could see things and moves that we couldn't. All of us who were present*Best of my batch back then* were defeated. Awed by the incident, I decided to investigate*acah*. Didn't have to do much though because the senior kept coming again and again to challenge us xD.

Not long till I knew his name, Amar. Apparently he was a chess player of the school, one of the best too. We learnt several raw skills and moves by observing his style of play, and with that it made me and Zul stood out amongst the Form 1. There's also another senior, a batch member of Amar, Aniq who also challenged us to a game sometimes. Amar and Aniq were the school's Lower Form's chess players and are actually the best in our school.

Then came the day at the end of the year, where our first step was made....

First ever chess tourney xD (Zul, standing centre,yellow shirt)

Though I didn't win anything, it was one heck of an experience hhe. First time playing in a tournament formatted game, it really gave me the goosebumps. My partner though, won the first place and caught the eye of our organiser, The HEK*later I knew that she's also our chess coach*

Apparently the tournament was actually held to find the next generation of chess players since Amar and Aniq are at their last year for Lower Form category.

Fast Forward several months and into the new year, came the District Level chess tournament. Lucky me, most of my friends had stopped playing chess which leaves only me and Zul available and worthy of representing the school. Though our HEK have doubts on me at first*was a nobody, didn't even made top 10 in last year's tournament' but due to Amar's recommendation and shortage of time, I was welcomed aboard hhe.

At the end, I managed 3rd place beating one of the last year's winner*cool right? It's my first tourney yaww and I made it to the next level xD*Rezeki Actually, Allah nak bagi kan :), All Praises to Him. Zul wasn't quite as lucky though, he crashed out with 3 points out of 5. 

Between the District Level tourney and State Level tourney, a MRSM Group Chess Competition was held at MRSM Gerik. It was my first time ever going to another MRSM which made me really-really excited. There I met the Khor brothers, who were arguably the best Under-15 chess player in Perak at the time*The elder Khor later went on to become champion in the State Level tourney. The younger Khor did gave me a 'lesson' though. Pasir Salak were beaten by Gerik A 3.5 - 0.5 scoreline*4 Pasir Salak players against 4 Gerik players*.

Somehow, we kinda did redeemed ourselves by 'thrashing' Gerik B with the same scoreline hehe. Pasir Salak ranked 6 out of 20 after the last round, champions were MRSM Lenggong. The event helped me made new friends, including Rushaidi, a Pasir Salak senior who moved to Taiping.

I gave my all during the State Level tournament and managed to get into the Finals, but due to lack of experience, I lost. The pressure was immense compared to the District Level, Time given for each match was also doubled making each round can reach up to 2 hours. I faltered at the Finals, losing 3 out of 4. Our coach was more positive though, 

"Yang dah lepas dah, 

Improve lagi lepas nih"

"What's done is done,

Improve in the future"

Short but meaningful...

Later that year, our 'cavalry' was reinforced with a new coach. Ustaz Hazmi from MRSM Lenggong was transferred to Pasir Salak. Ustaz's had an incredible record that year with his student winning and becoming the Champion for Perak Under-18 Category during the State Level earlier that year. With him, me and Zul received several intense training while also being careful of our studies as to avoid our grades from dropping.

Later, He and Puan Asmah(HEK) exposed us to our first ever National Rated Chess Open Tournament at Universiti Teknologi Petronas(UTP). 

UTP

Again, rezeki. I managed 3rd place for Under-14 Category and a national rating of 1295 at the end of my first National Rated Chess Tournament ever. Also made some new friends along the way hehe. These seniors from MRSM Taiping who awkwardly but gladly skipped their batch's dinner to join us at UTP haha xD. It was exciting, the whole competition. I remembered being defeated by skillful youngsters who are way younger than me. There's also a little girl whom I beat at UTP back then, now she's one of the top players in Malaysia xD.

That year*2011* we also were exposed to many other chess tournaments around Perak. Puan Asmah said it is too overcome stiffness during games.

"Experience is always the best teacher"

Time goes by and we're in 2012, Me and Zul appearing as favourites and harapan for the Perak Tengah team. The Perak Tengah coach never forgets to remind me to train and train. Eventually, the District level that year went surprisingly well with Zul winning 1st place and Me managing 2nd Runner Up*We were up against each other in the Final Round at the 1st Table xD. 

Due to a problem though*I lost in the 're-tournament'. Therefore I can't proceed to the State Level that year thus leaving Zul to go alone. Zul then managed to get into the Finals of the State Level but also to no avail, lost and didn't make it into the National Level. Then we focused in our studies though in preparation for PMR(Lower Secondary High School Evaluation) at the end of the year.

That period also was the time I lost my ability to play football and any other outdoor activity...

Zul and I eventually moved to our preferred MRSM Taiping and TGB respectively...

Fast forward and in 2014, after years of waiting and trying. Finally Me and Zul meet again. But in different situation though. Zul made it into the Perak team, beating over a hundred other participant. While I'm representing Melaka after managing 2nd Runner-Up in the Melaka State Level.

The year 2014 was my 2nd try in the MSSM*Also managed to enter in 2013 but with a bad result 2 points out of 6 games*Giler cuak ketar lutut oi main kebangsaan first time ahahahaha*. 2014, I participated in the group event and because of the national rating I have*1295* which is the highest among the 4 of us, I was automatically placed at the First Board thus becoming the captain of Melaka hehee.

Melaka's Captain for the U18 Team xD 

The first round is where I first met Ridzwan, the captain for Pahang back then. Against Ridzwan, I give away a winning position and lost 'terribly'*Literally lol ahaha*. The 2nd Round against Sarawak*Tuan Rumah*, I lost a tactical battle against their captain. The 3rd Round against Kelantan, was outwitted terribly*sebab hilang keyakinan kut*, Melaka lost 4-0 to Kelantan. But, like it was fate, The 4th round Melaka was paired against Perak xD. I had to play against old friends. luckily Zul was at the 2nd Board hhaa so he had to play against Prem of Melaka's 2nd Board. The 4th Round is also the round where I picked my first win :D. Our coaches were kinda shocked tho cuz we picked our first win against Perak hhaa*Perak is a giant in the Chess MSSM world*.

The last 2 rounds were a breeze as we easily*and surprisingly too* swept through Kedah and WP Labuan. In the end, our team managed 6th Place in the tournament, which to me, is an achievement considering our average ratings were ranked 3rd last out of all the 15 teams hehe. 

Overall, I think chess really did played a large part in my school life. All those ups and downs, but I kept on pushing. And in the end, I got*more infact, but lets leave it at that shall we* what I actually aimed for and dreamt of when I started my journey back in 2010.... To play in the Chess MSSM Tournament :)

Guidance

Assalamualaikum,

Several days ago, someone I never knew suddenly asked me a question.

The question goes like this, "Who is Allah?"

Apparently, the one who's asking is a Christian believer.

It happened so suddenly that I was kinda at lost of words at first. Then, I tried my best to explain towards him about who Allah is. Our conversation went on about who God is. I knew I had to be careful with my choice of words and answers. I really don't want to sound offensive back then. Eventually, the conversation ended in a 'cliffhanger' after an intervention from some friends of mine.

The experience was a new one for me. Truthfully, I am kinda happy that he asked me about it though. Because it actually shows that he has that interest towards Islam and maybe one day, his heart will embrace Islam of his own free will.

What I'm actually disappointed in is that the reaction of some people towards that person. When the conversation was going on, a number of my friends be like "Hey, who is that guy? Do you know him?"*In a hostile way*.I really don't think there's any wrong if a non-muslim wants to ask these kind questions. Instead, People like him, should be treated with more respect rather than being 'bashed' for asking that kind of questions.

We should actually help to explain more about Islam, as to increase their true understanding of our religion. Nor do we know, that person may one day become a better muslim than we ever were before.

As muslims, we not only have obligations towards ourselves but we also act as an emissary for our religion. People are judgemental. Our attitude, our behavior play an important role in 'promoting' our religion towards the non-mulims.

So peeps, let us be the best muslim we can be shall we?

"Hidayah itu milik Allah"

"Allah's Guidance is His"

"The thing is to never lose your faith in Him,

Because We plan, but He also plans

As He is the best of planners"

Stay strong...